The Black Appendix

Now that I am strong and you are weak, I would love to give you a "wedgie" much like I used to get from the older children that you gave "wedgies" to. But The Law will call what I do to you assault, and God states that "Vengeance is mine ".

First, your abuse did not stop with your victims, many went on to hurt others. Many of those whose "moral compasses" that you tampered with went on to hurt others, unaware of what they were doing. Others did unto others as you did unto them. They chased that high that you got when inflicting pain on others weaker than you by inflicting pain on others weaker than themselves. I have read the book "Death of an Alter Boy" and I understand that your upbringing was far from normal, but how much pain dies one inflict upon others before seeing such is wrong?

Secondly, I question your belief in God. You do not seem sorry for your sins. Maybe you do not consider the horrible things that you did as sins. Do you believe that Jesus Christ is your savior or do you think that you can save yourself by spending some time in purgatory?

Only God can see what is one's heart; I can only see with my eyes and hear with my ears. But as I see an apple tree bears only apples, your silence as your victims are forced to relive their pain when seeking compensation shows me that you have a heart of stone at best. While we are both sinners, you set yourself up for more critical judgement with your decision to become a priest.

At the SNAP meetings, I have met many who lost their faith because of you. You have turned lives into mere existences.

At 6 years old I started sneaking alcohol (aka drinking) from the bottles above the refrigerator in my parents' house. I used to sneak just enough to help me sleep at night; enough to get me past the nightmares I had while falling asleep. My father caught me drinking at 12 and by then you were out of my mind enough that I could fall asleep without the alcohol; many of my peers were not so blessed.

After reading "Death of an Alter Boy", I forgive many of those who abused me; I now understand that many were your victims. I also pray that God sees the hearts of those that were led astray, leading lives of drug addiction and crime. I pray that God understands and forgives them because they had their moral compasses tampered, thus starting life in the wrong direction because of you

IMO, there are three types of survivors,

• those who overcame
• those who succumbed
• those who managed to get by

Those who overcame became successful people like business owners, those who succumbed became addicts and / or have mental health issues; many of them have since left this world. Those who got by lead diminished lives; they do not stand up for themselves like as they should, weather thinking less of themselves or choosing to use the same method used when dealing with you, lie low telling themselves it shall pass.

Recovery is a journey without a clear destination or it is taking an alternative route to a destination; I have not figured out exactly what recovery is to me. I have met many people along the way and most have been blessings in my life.

What you and those like you have done to the Catholic Church is IMO unforgiveable. At one time cities had two large competing systems, the public / government and the Catholic / Parochial. Schools, hospitals, hospices, orphanages along with other social programs are now mostly run by a soulless government entrapping all but the elite who can afford high priced schools, high priced hospital care and high priced retirement communities and high priced rest homes.

I pray that the day my soul leaves this mortal body, that my soul also leaves behind the memories of you that haunted me as a child.